So the final installment to finish the checklist.  I believe I am up to a score of 34, with two questions left to go. I seem to be scoring a bit higher as I dwell upon each section and think of why I feel these are relevant.  Still important to note that I am not trained at using the checklist.  Though I would like to, I have never attended a lecture given or read the manuals that accompany the checklist. Juvenile criminal activity is an important aspect of it, but that can be something hard to obtain, when the juvenile record is sealed. So on with it....

19) Revocation Of Condition

To be honest, though I suspect that this is applicable, I do not know it to be. I know of some things, they may apply, but I have far less certainty of it than I do of most everything thing else I have scored. So I have scored this a 0.

20) Criminal Versatility

This would be a 2. Based on what I have witnessed and heard, there is a great deal of knowledge of activities deemed to be illegal.  Now some of these I may not deem horrible or even wrong, but they none the less are criminal. From drug use to theft. Knowledge regarding said activities and willingness to commit them or champion someone else to commit them.  This one pulls at that idea of the "Puppet Master." Was her husband really a klepto? Was he merely persuaded to steel most anything because of her.  Hell, I think I came close to being able to. This is a rather scary edge of things.  The feeling that you must do something you know is wrong, in order to retain favor with an individual. Is it something you would ask of your friends?

Now, I would consider myself to have some basic knowledge of numerous criminal activities. I may even go about wondering how one would commit some types of theft.  To some degree, my job requires it. I would score myself a 1. I have driven drunk and I text while driving, some feel a lot. Though I have doubts these fall into the spirit of this category, I am aware that I do things that a large portion of the population feels is irresponsible and even illegal. I still feel that it pales.

So, I believe that comes to 36, but I did not go back and recount every score.  Even if my perception of events and history is now tainted by my feelings, rationalized into an excuse as to why things are the way they are, there are many of these things which cannot be chalked merely up to me.  There are many of these things which are not explained by the publicized diagnosis. Many of which, if they do not fall into the claim of this website, do suggest one or more Personality Disorders (PDs).  I do not think you should simply take my word for it.  I will be adding the story, soon, I'm thinking at starting at the end and going backwards.

I have said a lot of things. I am not ever going to claim that they are consistent through all moments of my life or that I stand up to my own standards every second of every day. That said, I do believe that a person has to be themselves, because people will perceive you/them as what they want, however they want, whenever they want to.  People rarely see other people, but often almost always see a reflection of themselves.  The actions a person commits, are interpreted vastly different, based upon the idea of that person, those observing the actions, have. There is Confirmation Bias. If we believe a person is one thing, it will take a mountain load of evidence to change our opinion of them, simply because most of it will be tainted with our prior bias.  A lot, through our bias, may be used to reinforce our feelings about that person.  This is something everyone does. We stereotype, categorize and sort people into categories to easily deal with them.  We do not spend much energy changing these categories, because it requires effort.  We tend to size people up at first sight.  Sometimes this is accurate, that gut instinct that something is wrong.  Sometimes, we are blinded by other characteristics and we get it all wrong.  People value other people based on a host of things and very little of it reflects the person's substance.  If you are pretty or handsome, you likely get a favorable category, whether you deserve it or not.  From the feminine perspective, put a man in a fancier car and he automatically gets lumped into a more favorable category.  Even if he just stole it or is driving it from one dealership to another, to be sold. I'm not really intending to break out every single possible evaluation that can be made.

The overall point is, the way someone evaluates someone has more to do with themselves, than the evaluated person. So, there is no point in trying to be someone else.  Be the best version of you that you can be. Be real, be sincere, be as honest as you can be. It helps if you are nice, polite, kind, caring, etc. But these are not qualities one should fake. If you do fake things, you are stuck being that person or possible losing whatever it was you faked these qualities for, when the true you comes out.

Have I ever been fake? Yes. I in fact spent some time struggling with who I really was.  I along the way decided I needed to just be the best me that I can be.  Which yes, some days is not as good as others. That is being human. Most of us humans have feelings. These feelings may get in the way at times, but they are also a gauge for how we are doing. We have to learn to, not suppress our feelings, but work out more ideal reactions to them. More importantly, think about what we are doing. It gets easier with practice, but it is not something you do in a week, a month or a year.  With practice, adding thought into the chain of feelings->reactions, so it is feelings->thought->action, can become easier and more automatic.

This is far from where I meant to start, but it is an important part of the overall thought.  Always be you, but be the best you that you can be.  Be friendly and warm. And yes, I do judge this website and wonder if I am being the best me here. It is a bit of a conflict, as is the overall idea that it conveys, but part of me wonders if doing nothing would be the best thing.  If not nothing, than what could I do better than this? I am at a loss, there.

"It is not because the truth is too difficult to see that we make mistakes... we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions - especially selfish ones.” ~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn